How Deep Is Your Love?

Does your romance have the proper bonding materials? Mentally fill in the blanks with the name of the person you love, then rate your agreement with each of the statements by using the nine-point scale in which 1 equals not at all, 5 equals moderately, and 9 equals extremely. You will be scored on intimacy, passion and commitment.




Rate Scale
1.............2.............3.............4.............5.............6.............7.............8.............9
not at all-----------------------------moderately----------------------------extremely

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9










I am actively supportive of ___'s well-being.










I have a warm relationship with ___.










I am able to count on ___ in times of need.










___ is able to count on me in times of need.










I am willing to share myself and possessions with ___.










I receive considerable emotional support from ___.










I give considerable emotional support to ___.










I communicate well with ___.










I value ___ greatly in my life.










I feel close to ___.










I have a comfortable relationship with ___.










I feel that I really understand ___.










I feel that ___ really understands me.










I feel that I can really trust ___.










I share deeply personal information about myself with ___.










Just seeing ___ excites me.










I find myself thinking about ___ frequently during the day.










My relationship with ___ is very romantic.










I find ___ to be very personally attractive.










I idealize ___.










I cannot imagine another person making me as happy as ___ does.










I would rather be with ___ than with anyone else.










There's nothing more important to me than my relationship with ___.










I especially like physical contact with ___.










There is something almost magical about my relationship with ___.










I adore ___.










I cannot imagine life without ___.










My relationship with ___ is passionate.










When I see romantic films and read romantic books, I think of ___.










I fantasize about ___.










I know that I care about ___.










I am committed to maintaining my relationship with ___.










Because of my commitment to ___, I would not let other people come between us.










I have confidence in the stability of my relationship with ___.










I would not let anything get in the way of my commitment to ___.










I expect my love for ___ to last for the rest of my life.










I will always feel a strong responsibility for ___.










I view my commitment to ___ as a solid one.










I cannot imagine ending my relationship with ___.










I am certain of my love for ___.










I view my relationship with ___ as permanent.










I view my relationship with ___ as a good decision.










I feel a sense of responsibility toward ___.










I plan to continue my relationship with ___.










Even when ___ is hard to deal with, I remain committed to our relationship.



Your Total Score:

Scoring Key for the Triangular Love Scale
Psychologist Robert Sternberg, who developed the Triangular Love Scale, believes there are three components to love - passion, intimacy and commitment. The first items reflect intimacy, the second 15 measure passion, and the final 15 items reflect commitment.

Intimacy Score: (questions 1-15)
Passion Score: (questions 16-30).
Commitment Score: (questions 31-45).

Sternberg says that love is like a triangle, and the best kind of love is an equilateral triangle - one in which all three sides are of equal length. What he means, of course, is that love is best when we experience intimacy, passion, and commitment in approximately equal intensities. So you are fortunate indeed if your scores in all three categories were about average and about the same.


If your scores on the three dimensions of love are widely different or if you had one or two scores below average, it does not necessarily mean that your relationship is in trouble. All relationships have their ups and downs, and it is likely that the scores you'd obtain a year from now would be quite different from the scores you have today. You might want to take the test a second time and respond as you would when you are feeling best about your partner. This could give you an indication of the potential of your relationship.


Your scores are also likely to reflect how long you have been with your partner. We tend to become involved in a romantic relationship because we experience the right 'chemistry' - or what Sternberg calls 'passion'. This component is usually highest during the first year or two of a relationship. While passion has a tendency to lose its intensity over time, the most successful relationships continue to maintain a healthy dose of this element.


The second stage of a relationship is generally marked by the development of intimacy. Once we decide we are attracted to a man, we begin to confide in him; we want to share all our secrets with him, to tell our loved one our life story. This component tends to reach its peak a year or two after the relationship has begun, but the most successful relationships maintain a high level of intimacy indefinitely.


At some point - maybe after six months, maybe six years - we develop a sense of commitment to our partner. We value the relationship enough that we will do whatever we can to maintain it. It is this sense of commitment that helps us to weather the difficult times that are a part of every relationship. Commitment tends to be strongest for couples who have been together for several years.


The happiest couples are those who have similar love triangles for each other. Sternberg, who obviously remembers his school mathematics well, calls this 'congruency'. In other words, if you have strong passion for your partner but are a little low on intimacy, you are likely to have problems if you partner is highest on intimacy and lowest on passion. We are happiest in a relationship when our partner feels about us the way we would like him to. You may want the man you love to complete this test, so you can determine how compatible the two of you are. It would be nice to discover that you have congruent love triangles.



Love Outlook Quiz - This quiz will reveal your outlook on love and relationships.






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