Sternberg says that love is like a triangle, and the best kind of love is an equilateral triangle - one in which all three sides are of equal length. What he means, of course, is that love is best when we experience intimacy, passion, and commitment in approximately equal intensities. So you are fortunate indeed if your scores in all three categories were about average and about the
same.
If your scores on the three dimensions of love are widely different or if you had one or two scores below average, it does not necessarily mean that your relationship
is in trouble. All relationships have their ups and downs, and it is. likely that the scores you'd obtain a year from now would be quite different from the scores you have today. You might want to take the test a second time and respond as you would when you are feeling best about your partner. This could give you an indication of the potential of your relationship.
Your scores are also likely to reflect how long you have been with your partner. We
tend to become involved in a romantic relationship because we experience the right 'chemistry' - or what Sternberg calls 'passion'. This component is usually highest during the first year or two of a relationship. While passion has a tendency to lose its intensity over time, the most successful relationships continue to maintain a healthy dose of this element.
The second stage of a relationship is generally marked by the development of intimacy. Once we decide we are attracted to a man, we begin to confide in him; we want to share all our secrets with him, to tell our loved one our life story. This component tends to reach its peak a year or two after the relationship has begun, but the most successful relationships maintain a high level of intimacy indefinitely.
At some point - maybe after six months, maybe six years - we develop a sense of commitment to our partner. We value the relationship enough that we will do whatever
we can to maintain it. It is this sense of commitment that helps us to weather the difficult times that are a part of every relationship. Commitment tends to be strongest for couples who have been together for several years.
The happiest couples are those who have similar love triangles for each other. Sternberg, who obviously remembers his school mathematics well, calls this 'congruency'. In other words, if you have strong passion for your partner but are a little low on intimacy, you are likely to have problems if you partner is highest
on intimacy and lowest on passion. We are happiest in a relationship when our partner feels about us the way we would like him to. You may want the man you love to complete this test, so you can determine how compatible the two of you are. It would be nice to discover that you have congruent love triangles.
